I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
