eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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