if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
