dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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