oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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