I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
