I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
