We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize