Plan B is the new Plan A
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
