It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
