Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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