You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
