it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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