WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
