so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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