All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
