Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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