I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
