my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
