I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
