Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
