I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
