we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found puke in my bra..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize