I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How external is "for external use only"?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
