my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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