i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
