I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
