It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
