my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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