just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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