he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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