I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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