I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
