Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone signed my nipple.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
