a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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