I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
