Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
