she was so not down for the gang bang
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
