What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
