i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
