Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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