i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
