I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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