with your own penis?
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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