i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
