Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
