Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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