i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How does one acquire holy water?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
