I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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