I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
