i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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