this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
