You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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