I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
