mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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