there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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