I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
