Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
