Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
