Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
