She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
