let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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