Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
