I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
