Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
