Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
