Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
