Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There r osticjed everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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