Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize