is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
