I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
