The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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