Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
